Shame on you

Wish I was a woman. Today, I feel ashamed to be a man in this country.

What is happening to the men in this country; is it the society, our upbringing that creates this mentality in men.

We live in a society where it is absolutely normal for men to have sexual fantasies about women. In some classes, it is even considered healthy. Ridiculous, it may sound, but this is the honest truth. And when this happens, such fantasies do turn violent.

First and foremost, it’s the mothers who need to do a lot of things. In our society, sadly mothers generally insist on teaching morality to their daughters, try to keep them “grounded” without worrying how they should be bringing-up their sons. I have seen mothers objecting to their daughters going out lest someone thinks of them as loose characters. When a mother think this way, isn’t it natural that their sons would have the same thinking.

Secondly, women in our country are not assertive enough. I understand that this assertiveness comes from the society’s approval of one’s freedom and it is the society which needs to take the blame for this. Why can’t we stop loading our daughters with the massive burden of honour, thus crippling them? We are so fast to outcast them that this fear is instilled in them since childhood.

Thirdly, it is the in-sensitiveness of the police force to this horrendous act. The entire police station fling into action for a silent protest but are reluctant to even record a complaint against a sexual abuse, most of the time trying to admonish and blame the victim herself. This insensitive mind-set of the policemen is imbedded in their very culture, coming from the same sexually dysfunctional and repressed families in our society. This can change only if cops are recruited considering their cultural upbringing in mind.

Fourthly, sex education in our country should not just be restricted to schools. Rather, it’s the adult men who need to be taught more than the kids. Perhaps what is needed is a sensitization exercise that could teach them to manage their libidos in a healthy way.

Till such time, such changes happen, I, as a man, can just hang my head in shame whenever I look at a woman. I may perhaps need to continue to hang my head in shame, till such time, such perverts learn to keep their testosterone level in control so that they are able to keep it in their pants.

I would share a story narrated to me by a good friend; a teaching to all men.

She got late at office that day and she had to go home alone. She started walking towards the auto stand. But it was too late; she had to wait for an auto.

She felt like someone was following her, she turned back and ‘Bhoo’ he said.  She got scared and he laughed out loud. Her office colleague it was. “I’m here because I can’t let you walk alone towards the auto stand and don’t worry I’ll be with you till you get an auto. You are my responsibility” he said.

After ten minutes of wait, an auto came but no other passengers were around. She knew that this could probably be the last auto to pass by. She looked in an uncomfortable manner at the auto driver. “Don’t worry sister; I’ll drop you at your home safely. You are my responsibility” the auto driver said. She sat in.

Her home was in a dark lane; she had to walk almost five minutes in the lane to reach her home. She entered the lane and a mid-aged man was smoking and looking at her. It was a neighbour. He threw the cigarette away and said “Come I’ll walk with you till you reach home. Don’t worry beti, you are like my daughter only. You are my responsibility” The girl finally reached home safely.

Every time I gave a pause in the story, you get the feeling of something wrong would happen. This fear is what our society has given us. It will no longer have an existence if every man can be like that office colleague or the auto driver or the neighbour.

Dear men, like your sister, mother, daughter and wife are your responsibilities, ‘She’ is your responsibility too. Understand if you can.

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22 thoughts on “Shame on you

  • well said, it is a concern everywhere. Bare minimum government could impose stringent punishments both for culprits and who help the criminals. Most crimes againt women are not proved well in courts And culprits escape. Need of behaviour training at school levels could mitigate the skewed attitude on women.

    Reply
  • well said, it is a concern everywhere. Bare minimum government could impose stringent punishments both for culprits and who help the criminals. Most crimes againt women are not proved well in courts And culprits escape. Need of behaviour training at school levels could mitigate the skewed attitude on women.

    Reply
  • Really, that fear is always there, be it a relatives place or a public transport or a public place or whatever, that spark of fear is always there. But for these 'wild animals' !!!

    Reply
  • Kudos to you for taking on a collective shame, but I don’t feel that men are singularly responsible for this awful mindset. Ideally, we should live in a society where no man would need to be ‘responsible’ for taking care of any woman, as all women would be respected and safe.

    Reply
    • I agree that atrocities happen to men too and there are women who take advantage of the loopholes in the law to do that.
      However, the point that I wish to drive through my blog post is that as men, it is our duty to protect the women in our lives, not for anything else, because they are not just equal but superior to men in many ways, but just because nature has given men the physical superiority.

      Why did you share the link of a blog post of yours along with your comment, please.

      Reply
  • Hard hitting and very thought provoking! I wish the society to change. I wish more fathers (and mothers) teach their sons to respect girls and I wish we girls get a SAFE environment where we no longer need to be any man’s responsiblity!

    Reply
  • You know! I agree with you… That mothers should bring up their sons better… But they too are a part of the society and this society has got corrupted in a sense…
    I will narrate something that happened to me and that shook me completely… It was 2017, January 20! I was in 1st year engineering and had chemistry exam on that day! I got off metro in Esplanade (Kolkata) and took a bus… It was a bus that had its last stoppage near my home and so it was 1 hour journey and as the ladies seats were full, I took a regular window seat… A man (25-26) came and sat beside me.. he was fat.. and i was almost crushed.. but I understand that every one needs space to sit and i moved as much as i could.. i am listening to music and he asks me to move my bag… I didn’t pay much attention n just moved it… Moments later I feel his palm on my inner thigh! It was 4pm, broad daylight, in a bus, in the heart of Kolkata!
    I froze… After recovering i somehow asked him to move his hand… And i tried to leave the seat… That shameless guy’s response was “Arey! Kya hua? Kaha jana h? Baithiye na!” But I somehow moved out and took another seat…
    After a few minutes he got down.. note that the bus was standing all this while in front of the metro station… And he was a rich, well educated guy (as i could make out from his appearance)!
    I wonder if education is doing us any good!
    That day to this day… Never sat on a regular seat… I have waited for hours just to get a ladies seat!

    Reply
    • I am saddened by your experience. As I mentioned in my post,I can only hang my head in shame, being a man.
      A father to three grown up daughters, I know how it feels being a woman in such situations, having lived a major part of my life with four women at home, including my wife.

      Reply

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