Shame on you

Wish I was a woman. Today, I feel ashamed to be a man in this country.

What is happening to the men in this country; is it the society, our upbringing that creates this mentality in men.

We live in a society where it is absolutely normal for men to have sexual fantasies about women. In some classes, it is even considered healthy. Ridiculous, it may sound, but this is the honest truth. And when this happens, such fantasies do turn violent.

First and foremost, it’s the mothers who need to do a lot of things. In our society, sadly mothers generally insist on teaching morality to their daughters, try to keep them “grounded” without worrying how they should be bringing-up their sons. I have seen mothers objecting to their daughters going out lest someone thinks of them as loose characters. When a mother think this way, isn’t it natural that their sons would have the same thinking.

Secondly, women in our country are not assertive enough. I understand that this assertiveness comes from the society’s approval of one’s freedom and it is the society which needs to take the blame for this. Why can’t we stop loading our daughters with the massive burden of honour, thus crippling them? We are so fast to outcast them that this fear is instilled in them since childhood.

Thirdly, it is the in-sensitiveness of the police force to this horrendous act. The entire police station fling into action for a silent protest but are reluctant to even record a complaint against a sexual abuse, most of the time trying to admonish and blame the victim herself. This insensitive mind-set of the policemen is imbedded in their very culture, coming from the same sexually dysfunctional and repressed families in our society. This can change only if cops are recruited considering their cultural upbringing in mind.

Fourthly, sex education in our country should not just be restricted to schools. Rather, it’s the adult men who need to be taught more than the kids. Perhaps what is needed is a sensitization exercise that could teach them to manage their libidos in a healthy way.

Till such time, such changes happen, I, as a man, can just hang my head in shame whenever I look at a woman. I may perhaps need to continue to hang my head in shame, till such time, such perverts learn to keep their testosterone level in control so that they are able to keep it in their pants.

I would share a story narrated to me by a good friend; a teaching to all men.

She got late at office that day and she had to go home alone. She started walking towards the auto stand. But it was too late; she had to wait for an auto.

She felt like someone was following her, she turned back and ‘Bhoo’ he said.  She got scared and he laughed out loud. Her office colleague it was. “I’m here because I can’t let you walk alone towards the auto stand and don’t worry I’ll be with you till you get an auto. You are my responsibility” he said.

After ten minutes of wait, an auto came but no other passengers were around. She knew that this could probably be the last auto to pass by. She looked in an uncomfortable manner at the auto driver. “Don’t worry sister; I’ll drop you at your home safely. You are my responsibility” the auto driver said. She sat in.

Her home was in a dark lane; she had to walk almost five minutes in the lane to reach her home. She entered the lane and a mid-aged man was smoking and looking at her. It was a neighbour. He threw the cigarette away and said “Come I’ll walk with you till you reach home. Don’t worry beti, you are like my daughter only. You are my responsibility” The girl finally reached home safely.

Every time I gave a pause in the story, you get the feeling of something wrong would happen. This fear is what our society has given us. It will no longer have an existence if every man can be like that office colleague or the auto driver or the neighbour.

Dear men, like your sister, mother, daughter and wife are your responsibilities, ‘She’ is your responsibility too. Understand if you can.

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