He lied to himself

Sandeep lied to himself for so long; he thought doing that would make moving on much easier for him. He had buried the pain of the past so deeply that he had hoped he had finally dealt with it.

It was not long that he realized that’s not how true healing works. He realised that it was actually far from it. He was foolishly trying to hide from the things and people that once hurt him. He assumed that’s the same as making peace with the past.

The pressure just kept building in deep places that he didn’t even know he had. It was only inevitable that finally one day, the pain of the past erupted and brought him to his knees.

Honestly, till then, he had never known how to deal with the past, the broken hearts and the forgotten friends. When all the emotions and feelings would threaten to tear him apart, he did what anyone would do; he tried to run away from them.

For Sandeep, hiding from the truth seemed easier than confronting the reality of what happened, without realising that it’s not truly healing. He’d greet the world with a happy smile and a gentle heart, pretending that everything was okay.

But it wasn’t okay at all and hadn’t been for some time. The aching of unsolved pain grew steadily for him, day by day.

The day he finally saw the truth of what he was doing was like a light switch flipped on for him. That was the day when realisation dawned upon him that he hadn’t been healing, he’d been hiding.

He’d never have had made peace with his past if he hadn’t confronted it; though he knew that would be the hardest thing he had ever done. That was the day when the raw feelings of pain and visceral emotions came crashing back into his heart and mind; the day when the memories of what had once been washing through his senses came crashing back like an overwhelming tidal wave of reality.

Sandeep knew that the struggle to let go and heal would be a battle; but it was a fight that was long overdue. He was tired of being a captive to his past, unable to embrace his future because of the pain that still lingered.

The present day:

Sandeep doesn’t have all the answers about how he will fully heal from where he has been, but at least he now has the hope because he will be taking each day, one at a time. Baby steps may not change him overnight, but knows that he’ll get there.

He is determined to release this baggage of times long gone to make way for the beautiful future that awaits him.

It won’t be easy, it won’t be fast, but he knows that when he reaches the top of this mountain that he is climbing, it will all be worth it in the end.

He at least knows one thing for sure; that finally, he’ll be free.

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