What’s up on WhatsApp! The male dual personality syndrome

Hey, what’s up? What’s that? Two word greetings had become passé ever since the
advent of short messaging services. The SMS had almost revolutionised and
revamped the poor Webster’s who have been trying hard to keep up with the
changing times on their dictionary. So here, what’s up had become whazzup!

Easy on the fingers as one lesser word to type, that’s the excuse, but extra words
to squeeze in within a message and so easy on the pocket, that’s the honest


Then came WhatsApp and very soon it became the largest messaging platform across the
world. With it ended the era of people being stingy with words. Seconds became
minutes and minutes became hours that people started spending flexing their
fingers on the tiny virtual keyboards of their smartphones.

WhatsApp was a bit scary at start but before we realised it became a necessity. Yeah
true! Perhaps it took the place of food. The slogan changed to Air, Shelter and
WhatsApp. People could now stay without food for hours engrossed in chatting
and food as a necessity of life was thrown out of the door.

 Old friends were contacted, bonds renewed, friendship grew, affairs developed, love
and laughter bloomed, advantages became galore.  To be honest, even business dealings started
being exchanged over this medium. And in all this, emotions became emoticons.:)


WhatsApp evolved to keep pace with the needs of the mankind. Ticks started getting
multiplied, adding to the agony and the excitement. Groups were formed and the term
‘administrator’ got a totally new meaning.

 Old school and college alumni started interacting more with groups formed for this.
Then splinter groups too started mushrooming with the boys only for the more
casual talks and the all-inclusive ones for the decent conversations. And this
is where the poor average male started developing a dual personality.

Call it bipolar disorder, a common form of schizophrenia or maybe the more clinically
inclined dissociative identity disorder, at the end of it, the common male
blame it on WhatsApp.

And this is how it starts. There is this common group consisting of all males and
females as members. The male feels the urge to post comments and forwards
galore to this group, the honest intention being just to impress the women folk
with their assumed “Oh! Here is the best gentleman I have ever seen” persona.

So to create that aura, the male needs to look, re-look, edit, re-edit and
finally censor the posts before he puts it on board. Then this poor desperate
anti-hero keeps checking his phone for Ooh-Laala! response from the females.

In between he shifts allegiance to the male only group too this honestly is where
he finds solace to speak up his mind, to be his honest self. He posts the
naughtiest of jokes, forwards the hottest of photos, and downloads all the
raunchy videos that he secretly runs through at least a zillion times in the
cozy comforts of solitude in the washrooms. Here too, he needs to impress, but
the impression to be created is a different type, where men are pitted against
men to prove their raunchiness.

Poor male! It’s a real pity that he needs to go through this multiple personality
disorder just to keep his persona intact.

WhatsApp, you need to take the blame for this neurosis in the common male. You need to
accept responsibility for the mental disorder in men. WhatsApp, you need to be
crucified for this dissociative behaviour of Adam in his quest to impress Eve.


PS: The author takes pain to clarify that he is not active in any WhatsApp groups
in either of its forms and hence has been able to live a single personality
life so far. So far, so good! Here’s, wishing myself all the best.

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My Interview with God
I dreamed, I had an interview with God.
So, you would like to interview me, God asked.
If you have the time, I said.
If you have the time, God replied.
Hello everyone,
Today I am honoured to have a dialogue with the most controversial character ever in human history. A person in whose name, has the most number of divisions happened, in whose name the most wars fought, in whose assumed honour has this world witnessed several killings.
Let’s welcome, the omnipresent, the omnipotent, the God. And with the permission of his Honour, may I start my question-answer session with Him.
Question to God: Where do we seek you?
God’s Answer: Why do you want to go seeking me? Don’t you see me in the dog wagging its tail in happiness when you enter your house, your little kid who comes running to hug you and clings to you when you reach home after a tiring day, your wife who takes care of your every needs without a sigh, your husband who struggles hard to give a better life to you and the family, your parents who supported and encouraged you in whatever you did, your friends who care for you and stand by you against all odds. Do you still need to go seeking me elsewhere?
Question to God: Are you really the invincible, the strongest?
God’s Answer: How can I be only the strongest? When I am there in each one of you, am I not there in the weaklings too. I am there in the helpless old man on the streets who doesn’t know where his next meal will come from, in the destitute woman who is desperately looking out for a little space to hide her modesty, in the little urchin on the road who wishes someone can adopt him and make his future. When I am there in these helpless creatures, how can I be invincible? The truth is that I need you as much as you need me.
Question to God: Why are so many wars fought in your name? Why do people kill each other in your honour?
God’s Answer: You fight with each other because you have cut me, divided me in many pieces, each one of you trying to take your share of the pie. Have you ever realised, how much it would have pained me when I was being cut into pieces, when you were mercilessly tearing me apart. When you cut me, each one of you got their share that you could lay your hands on. Now you feel that the other perhaps has a better share than you, and so you fight with each other for the better share.
Question to God: Why do you have so many names?
God’s Answer: I have never given you any names to call me. It was you who started naming me as you wished. When a child is born, he/she doesn’t tell you what name he/she should be called. You decide and start calling him/her by that name, then the family, the friends start giving him/her further pet names and before the child realises, all these names get stuck to him/her. As the child grows up to be an adult, wouldn’t he/she feel embarrassed being called by so many names; So do me. I would rather prefer just one name, short and simple, easy to remember, “God”.
Question to God: What is your religion?
God’s Answer: I have no clue what you are talking about. What do you mean by religion? It’s nothing that I have ever propagated. You starting cutting me to pieces; dividing me; it was you who have given names to those pieces, and starting calling them religions. I am a single ONE, how can I have all these different me, these different religions?
Question to God: Do you really reside in the churches, the temples and the mosques?
God’s Answer: I think that you people never have taken me seriously. You haven’t ever understood fully what I have always wanted to tell you. Hadn’t I say in the reply to one of your earlier questions that I am in each one of you. Then how can I reside in these artificial structures. It is you who go seeking me at places that you have created as my abode rather than searching for me inside you.
Question to God: Do you feel happy when we come to meet you at these places of worship we created?
God’s Answer: I feel happy when you meet me anywhere, be it on the streets, in your home, inside you as well. When you wake up every morning without having committed any sin the last day, and look at yourself in the mirror, you are really looking at me. These structures that you created is just one of those places. I feel happy when you meet me, irrespective of where it is.
Question to God: Do you really want us to pray?
God’s Answer: May I ask you, what is the meaning of prayer? Is it not asking for favours? Can you not do it yourself, help yourself and others and make a prayer. When you help others, their prayers are answered and in turn when someone helps you, your prayers are answered. I work through you; you are my hands and legs, my limbs, my body, my soul. Honestly, I would be happier seeing you praying with your hands than with your lips.
Question to God: Do you want us to be God-fearing?
God’s Answer:  What is the benefit if you desist from doing something out of fear? I shall give you an example of you driving a car. You are tempted to jump a traffic signal but you don’t do it because you fear that there would be a traffic cop round the corner. I am not really happy you having done that. Now imagine that you never thought about the cop, but never jumped the signal because you felt that you may hit someone coming from the other direction who is following the traffic rules. I would be happy if you had done that. You don’t have to fear, you have to love. If you really love me,  and understand that I live in another person as much as I live in you, you will never harm that person. I would want you to be God-loving and not God-fearing.
Question to God: Do we need to follow rituals?
God’s Answer: Oh! There are so many of these, even I have lost count of it. All these rituals were created ages ago by someone either to suit his requirement or to suit the circumstances that prevailed at that time, whether for good or for bad. Situations and circumstances have changed drastically since then, but we are still clinging on to the rituals, the traditions. I would ask you to follow the right principles that I  have taught and you believe in and not the rituals.
Question to God: Why are there so many variations of your scriptures?
God’s Answer: My scriptures? I had never written any autobiography. The scriptures that you are talking about are just personal interpretations of my life, assumed by the people who have written them. Each one of them has unfortunately assumed it in their own way and so there are so many variations. Isn’t it a simple logic to understand, that when it that it is one life, one personality, how could there be so many true variations.
Question to God: Why are your scriptures so difficult to understand?
God’s Answer: You are again misinterpreting what I say. I had clarified that these are not my scriptures. So it not being mine, I have no control over its contents. The words, the verses used are the personal words of the authors who probably wanted to keep it complicated so that the common masses do not understand it fully ever and keep flocking to them for their interpretations.
Question to God: Do you really want us to understand you and speak to you through these interpreters?
God’s Answer: Why should I ever make it difficult for you to understand me, to speak to me? I understand your language; I speak the language that you speak. How can I want you to speak to me only through these interpreters when I am one of you? I have not appointed anyone to convey my thoughts and words to you when I know that I can talk to you directly. Those who say that are their own self-appointed agents.
Question to God: Why do you change your attire, your looks for the people?
God’s Answer:  I have never ever changed my attire. It’s your perception of how you look at me. You see me in the attire that you want to see me, because it depends upon the spectacles that you are wearing. You may see me sometimes as crucified on a cross, you see me sometimes holding the weapon to destroy the evil, you see me lying in the tomb, and it’s how you want to see me. I have never changed and I never will.

Hey God! I thought you were here with me all throughout this interview session. I could see you right there but now I can’t see you. Where have you disappeared?

I hear God whispering in my ears, “My Child, look inside you, look at the people next to you, look at nature, the animals, the destitute, the aged, the orphans, the poor and the needy. And if you still don’t see me, stop believing me.

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Shameful political misogyny

Another year ends and a new year starts on a sad note, with the safety of women and increasing incidents of rape and molestation still being of high concern in our country.

As we boast of leaping towards a developed economy, how developed we would ever be unless the mind-sets of the politicians change on this really sensitive issue. It’s not the country, or its economy, it’s the outlook of these politicians which need to develop.

Shamelessly, our ministers, instead of advocating for stringent laws against it, have been giving bizarre reasons as excuses for this increasing figure of atrocities against the women. These explanations by our elected representatives, which clearly highlight misogyny in politics, as a man I just hang my head down, feel ashamed.

 A politician screams out loud that it has always been consensual sex, and that girls cry rape only when the relationship comes out in the open or fail to extract money from the man. Wow! You have almost classified women as money sharks.

 Another leader has clearly exposed his sexist leanings by attributing the reason for molestation and groping to “skin show” and women staying outdoors after sunset. Not a surprise at all, as this gentleman had remarked a year back that girls wearing short clothes should be banned stating that if one keeps petrol and fire together, it is bound to burn.

 We can’t expect anything else from this leader when the president of his party had remarked some time back that “boys will be boys… they commit mistakes”, condemning the death sentence of the court to some rapists.

 His own son, another politician and the Chief Minister of a State today, when being questioned a couple of years back over the rise of violence against women in his state, had shot back asking, “it’s not as if you faced any danger?”

 Another politician has blamed the youngsters’ “western ways” for the incidents casually brushing it aside with his utterly derogatory remark that “such things do happen”.

 Some Khap leaders have the audacity to say that if the marriageable age is legally reduced, so that girls are married off at an early age, the men can use their own wives to satisfy their sexual urges and wouldn’t need to go elsewhere. How do you explain, my friend, these monsters, most of them already married, satisfying their urges on elderly women too?

 Our ministers have even gone ahead in blaming alcohol for such dastardly behaviour. What these learned men haven’t realized that they could try enacting laws to stop the menace rather than advocating on increasing the age bar on liquor consumption.

 The advertisement industry hasn’t been spared either from this blame game. Some ministers claim that the scantily dressed mannequins in the lingerie ads are responsible for polluting the minds of the men. If a puppet can pollute a man’s mind, would they spare a living woman?

 A “poribortan” driven politician remarks that the rapes are on the rise due to the fact that men and women interact and mingle around freely. If women take a U-turn whenever they see a man, I hope these monsters’ urges remain unscathed.

 A very easy excuse for these well-read leaders is that women are scantily dressed. Wow!, I presume, you mean that it is like showing a red tag to a bull. Banning bikinis, to min-skirts to even suggesting overcoats for girls in schools, these idiots want the women to dress according to the urges of the monsters.

 Our good old minister claims that the pub culture is responsible for the increasing rape cases. Wish he could advise his sons to be in their senses rather than blaming a culture for it.

 Not sparing the movies too, vulgarity in the movies has also been blamed by some of our politicians who have run out of excuses. I am not a bit surprised to see these same ministers grooving to these raunchy numbers in their private parties.

 Ministers have cut across party lines surprisingly to even claim that mobile phones being used to watch porn are a major reason for increasing cases of rapes. They seem to have conveniently forgotten about a couple of their brethren who were caught watching porn inside the parliament.

 And the ultimate was yet to come, when the Khap leaders have blamed spicy food, or non-vegetarian food, which, according to them, lead to hormonal imbalance. I am really surprised that even women eat the same spicy food, why don’t they go around raping men. Perhaps, he feels that women look more like chicken and goat.

Shun this political misogyny and shut up your illogical reasoning, my dear leaders. Rather, try to address on enacting stringent laws to end this menace.

Or just try to keep the testosterone level of the men in control so that they are able to keep it in their pants.



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